SpeakUpJV

SpeakUpJV Episode 49- Men

We want to say something to the men. The men coming from various walks of life, mannerisms, and mindsets. The men who have crossed paths with us and have impacted us in one way or another. Even though not every experience has been a great one, it has been a real one. Thank you for the lessons, the pain, the standards, and the love. Yes, we can only speak from our perspective as women but it all comes from the heart. We just want you to know that you are valued and loved, even when we don’t agree on everything. Also, trust that we do want to see you win. Win in love, in spirit, and anything else that will bring you fulfillment. This is why we had to get real honest in this episode and say a few things first. Men, this one’s for you.

Dear 2020: The Holiday Episode

What a year. No doubt that everyone has their own thoughts, emotions, and experiences towards this one. In this holiday episode we reflect and reminisce on our experiences this year from the good, the bad, and everything in between. However, regardless of what happened we are grateful to have made it this far and are looking to move forward in a healthy manner. Join our discussion as we dedicate this one to dear 2020.

How Thick?

Thick. Thick. Thick. What did you think of when you saw this word come up today? For us, the word thick holds great significance. It is the word that used to have a negative connotation but now we use it to embrace ourselves physically. We use it to embrace the parts of us that aren’t “perfect” or “ideal,” the parts that we have hidden through certain camera angles, and the parts that we’ve struggled to accept throughout our child and adulthood. Learning to do this is not easy and it is a category in our self love journey all on its own but nonetheless it is an important one. Embracing our curves and “thickness” allows us to accept, be patient, and fall in love with our bodies. It is the only one we have in this life and should be treated accordingly so. How thick is your respect for your body? How thick is your love for your body? How thick is your acceptance for your body?

Situationships Ain't It

As you can tell from the title, today we’re talking about situationships. You know, the ones that bring nothing but heartaches, confusion, and anger? The ones where you can’t really call that person yours because you’re not really dating but you are but you’re really not? Did that confuse you? Us too. This is the reason why we’re talking about them in today’s episode. Defining what we want and expect from the beginning is important if we want to avoid wasting our time. It’s true that we all have different definitions of dating so that will depend on us. However, no matter what we call it all people involved need to be informed because situationships just ain’t it.

Suppressed Leads To Depressed

What do you think of when you hear the term suppressed emotions? More importantly, how do you know if you have them? To be honest, most humans have suppressed emotions to a certain degree due to childhood/ adolescent trauma, life obstacles/ setbacks, or just dealing with people in general. What matters is for us to be aware that we have them and work towards processing our feelings rather than holding them inside. Suppressed emotions tend to affect our relationships with ourselves and with others. We need to normalize speaking about our emotions no matter what gender we do or do not identify with as well as realizing that doing so does not make us weak.

SpookUp: The Halloween Episode

Boo! In honor of spooky season, we bring to you the first annual SpookUp. Here we have a discussion on all types of fears, real or imagined. Sit down, have some candy and enjoy this episode with us as we talk about creepy critters, brujeria, and other things that scare us. On the flip side, we also talk about fears that keep us from growing, from moving forward, and from healthy relationships. Whether you celebrate Halloween, El Dia De Los Muertos, or nothing at all we still encourage you to enjoy this episode and share it with your loved ones.

It's The Standards For Me

Standards. Seems like a simple enough word, right? Simple enough to understand, implement, and process. However, if you’ve ever sat down and asked yourself what exactly are your standards or if you’re living up to them you will realize it’s not easy to define what the term standards really means. It’s imperative we learn how to define our standards within our relationships as well as within ourselves if we want to experience healthier overall love. Life will throw all kinds of obstacles our way to test us to see if we’ve really changed or to challenge us to grow some more. The people we surround ourselves with and the mindset we carry with us will determine if we move forward with our lives or keep reliving the same situations. That’s why, above everything else, you have to say “it’s the standards for me.”

Focus Or Fall

With everything going on it’s easy to become overwhelmed and stay stuck in a mental or emotional rut. It’s difficult to stay focused on the positive or on the future when it feels like there is no end in sight. However, this is important to do if we want to take back control of the things that bring us joy, such as our goals, hobbies, and aspirations. Maybe we’ve had to rearrange the way we do things in working towards them and getting creative with our methods. Building upon our focus is not easy but absolutely necessary if we want to continue moving forward. In this episode we touch upon the importance of building focus, how we stay focused here at SpeakUpJV, and other factors. Come take a listen and decide if you want to focus or fall.

Be All In

Do you ever look around you and realize you’ve got a million things to do but don’t have the time to do it? Then you become overwhelmed because you realize everything on your to-do list is important and has a deadline? Before you click off this because you just got reminded of all that, it’s important that you stop right there. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Enjoy this moment of tranquility no matter how short it is. What you did just now was practice mindfulness. Putting this into practice is so important because it reminds us that all we really have is this moment right here and that once it’s gone, it’s not coming back. Practicing mindfulness is not always easy but it’s something we can build up on and be more intentional about. Challenge yourself to try it whether it’s through meditation practices, affirmations, or self care. Sometimes we don’t really have a choice but to let go of the past because it’s gone and the future isn’t even here yet, so all we have is today. Sometimes, good enough has to be good enough. Sometimes, we just need to go with the flow of the day and simply be all in.

What Up? B.

Boundaries. It seems like a simple word that’s easy to follow and easy to implement. However, if you’ve ever tried setting boundaries with anyone or even with yourself you know it’s a lot harder than just simply stating them. First of all, how do you even know what your boundaries are and where do you start? Did you know that there are different types of boundaries and that they fluctuate depending on the person or phase of your life? Did you also know that we can be really good with setting boundaries within our familial relationships but have none within our romantic relationships? These are a lot of questions to think about at once but also are some of the most important ones to ask especially if you’re constantly feeling drained or like you’ve spread yourself thin for others. Maybe you struggle with saying no to people because you’re afraid you’ll make them feel bad. Our discussion is all about that and the journey to having healthier relationships. So, what’s up in today’s episode? Boundaries.

Accept The Real

Have you ever felt like someone was unattainable, “out of your league,” or like they could do no wrong? Has anyone ever made YOU feel like you had to be perfect all the time or like they see you with such high unrealistic standards? While there is nothing wrong with admiring people for their strength or the way they carry themselves, there is a problem when it involves no longer seeing the person as a human being. This is the danger of placing someone on a pedestal. This is when we see someone as an ideal or they see us in that way. Pedestals are dangerous and always lead to disappointment because they don’t allow us to see or be seen as flawed individuals. There is no room for mistakes, failures, or setbacks. This means that there is also no room for growth, maturity, and compassion. Pedestals normalize toxic behavior and constant dissatisfaction. Pedestals are detrimental because they don’t allow us to be real, see the real, and much less accept the real.

The Process Is Essential

Sometimes we get so caught up in making things happen or “leveling up” that we forget to trust the process. We forget to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be in this moment. Out of every failure, every setback, every obstacle there is a lesson, there is growth. Sometimes life will remind us as well that we are actually not ready for that big step just yet, that there is more work to be done or a different route to be taken. Although it’s great and essential to have goals in life, it is also just as great and essential to be patient with the process. This does not mean get lazy and stop doing the work, it means having faith that we’ve done the best we can up until this very point. In order for anything in life to work out, we must realize that it is all a part of the process and the process is essential.

Is It Worth It?

At times we try to figure out if a relationship aligns or contrasts with our values, or we compare our relationships to the ones we see online or even question if we’re going to be single our whole lives. But before you ask yourself any of these questions you need to ask yourself the most important question of all: is it worth it? Is it worth normalizing traumatic behaviors, bending over backwards for someone, or trying to make something fit that deep down we know doesn’t? This question should be applied to various relationships in our lives, especially as we grow and think about the long-term effects of those relationships. We shouldn’t be afraid to speak up about our needs and determine if someone’s values align with our own. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself, is it worth it?

Daily Dose Of "C"

We all know that it’s important to have a healthy, balanced diet in order to be physically well. We need our daily vitamins and nutrients, most of them in daily doses. But what about nutrients for our mental, emotional, and spiritual health? In this episode we’ve decided to talk about one important nutrient we should incorporate into our everyday lives and that is called confidence. This is crucial in determining how we carry ourselves, how we raise a child, and every other relationship in between. It also affects how we crave/ don’t crave attention and work ethic. What we hear as children can affect our confidence and how much we need to work on it every day. Confidence is a critical component in our lives that affects everything else we do. This is why it’s recommended to get our daily dose of “C.”

Use Your Voice (Special Episode)

The intent of this episode is to discuss the current fight against racism and police brutality towards Black lives. These two major issues have disproportionately affected Black lives more than any other group of people within the US. It is important that everyone speaks up and fights against racism and police brutality because there is power in numbers and silence is no longer an option. It is important to learn in what ways we can amplify Black voices and lives and there are various outlets available in order for us to do that. We need to keep asking questions, educate ourselves, and take action steps in order to create real change. Don’t be afraid to use your voice. Rest In Peace George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor. Rest In Peace to all of our Black Queens and Kings whose voices have been silenced due to racism and police brutality. To the entire Black community, your lives matter yesterday, today, and always.

Create And Chill

When the world is chaotic and everything seems so unstable, sometimes the last thing we want to do is wind down. However, this is absolutely necessary in order to get some proper mental rest and recharge. We need to tap into our creativity and practice healthy expression every once in awhile. Meeting our creative needs reminds us of what we are capable of when we learn to let loose, learn to nurture our talents, and to just be unapologetically unique. Creativity comes in many shapes and forms but we just have to find it. So, let’s forget about things for a bit. Let’s sit down and unwind. Let’s create and chill.

Double Standards Are Overrated

Today’s episode is about rules or principles which are unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups. If you couldn’t guess from the definition, we’re talking about double standards today. Double standards confine us into strict categories that limit us from speaking, making, and living our truth. Some double standards date far back from past generations and continue to affect our daily lives today. They are excuses for us to mistreat each other and become judgmental based off of socially constructed ideas. They can affect our relationships, body image, and overall ability to understand others. Double standards do a lot more harm than good and we wanted to talk about some that have affected us in our personal lives. We knew it was time we speak up on this topic because double standards are harmful, demeaning, and so overrated.

Be Honest With Yourself

During these uncertain times where we are forced to slow down or change course, it’s pertinent that we take the time to sit down with ourselves and practice self reflection. The term self reflection refers to having serious thoughts about our actions and motives within our lives. It’s something we owe to ourselves if we want to move on from our past, let go of bad habits, and mature. What actions have we taken that have shaped us to be who we are today? Are we proud of the motives behind those actions? How can we do/ be better? Practicing self reflection won’t make us perfect but it will make us more balanced.  Just remember, you are the only person you can’t lie to so it’s time to be honest with yourself.

Love Through The Flaws

We all know that there is no such thing as a perfect person. Everybody has a distinct life story full of obstacles, traumas, and imperfections. This goes for friends, lovers, and even parents. Our loved ones will disappoint us much like we will disappoint them. Sometimes we will disappoint ourselves along the way too and it’ll be important for us to learn self acceptance. This is where we learn that although we are flawed individuals, we are also worthy of love. The type of love that doesn’t change just because we weren’t our best or because we saw when someone wasn’t at their best. However, there is a difference between accepting less than what you deserve and accepting that we all come with baggage and it’s up to use as individuals to decide what that looks like. Relationships change and people change but if we’re determined to grow alongside someone and within ourselves we must learn to love through the flaws.

It Gets Better

This is something that can prevent us from pursuing our dreams, from making a change, and even from growing as a person. This is something that can control our lives if we let it and add it to our list of regrets as we get older. This is something everyone has experienced at one point or another in life and it is called fear. Although fear is a very real emotion, it usually stems from our imagination of what could happen but hasn’t yet. Sometimes we become wrapped up in our fears to the point where panic mode sets in and we lose belief in our capability to achieve. Some fear is healthy though as it often becomes a motive to drive human action. It’s important to learn to cope with our fears, as real as the perceived threat may be, and grow from the experiences if we want to grow more into ourselves. We must learn to take it day by day and realize it gets better.

Perspective Sets The Vibe

When dealing with difficult, chaotic times, it’s easy for us to become overwhelmed by our circumstances. We may feel uncertain, shocked and shaken, or lost through it all. While these negative emotions are valid and necessary to come to terms with, we must also learn that there is always one thing we can control and that is our perspective. Our perspective sets the attitude with which we use to handle the chaos as well as the type of mindset we carry with us. Having a healthy perspective reminds us how far we have come and to count our blessings. This is why it’s important to recognize the type of people we allow into our space and thoughts as well as protect our own perspective when dealing with others. Always pour love into yourself and unto others, especially when they need a little extra. Remember, what you continue to focus on you will continue to attract because perspective will always set the vibe for your life.

Episode 30- Don't Drink The Haterade

Have you ever encountered someone who is constantly criticizing you or putting you down? Someone who says they want to see you do well but when it comes down to it, they minimize your success? Someone who does not want to see you do better than them? You might have encountered someone who has been drinking what we call the “haterade.” A hater will try and spread rumors about you based on past information, make backhanded compliments, or always try and compare themselves to others. Sometimes, we ourselves may be the haters without realizing it and that’s when it’s time for some self-reflection. One of the best ways to get rid of the jealousy that comes from hate is to embrace our flaws and realize we have our own story to write. That is something no one can take away from us because that is our truth. We need to learn to protect our spirit and energy at all times, still be genuine with others, and work on our own passions in order to create a meaningful life. Being a hater will get us nowhere so we must learn to not drink the haterade.

"7 Letters Of Power" Podcast Pit LA

We want to take the time to thank Podcast Pit LA and The GoodNews Radio for this episode. They believed in us enough to provide us with this wonderful opportunity. The word “believe” carries a lot of power when it comes from a genuine place. Sometimes, it takes others believing in our talents and voices to reinforce our purpose and that’s what this episode is about. It’s about us needing people in our corner cheering us on, reminding us that we’re on the right path to greatness. However, it’s not enough for others to believe in us if we don’t believe in ourselves. A lack of self-belief can easily lead to us getting discouraged along our journey, which can then lead to self doubt and/or negative self-talk. Finding out our life’s purpose and being our own biggest fans help strengthen our self love. All it takes is a little courage and hope. All it takes is a little bit of patience and time. All it takes is 7 letters of power.

More Love, Less Pressure

Growing up is hard. Growing up being the older sibling is even harder. The expectations and standards were different when it came to school, love, and overall family roles. Being the older sibling meant stricter rules, a shorter childhood, and internalized trauma. It often meant shielding the younger siblings from the reality of family dynamics and increased pressure to break generational cycles. However, growing up wasn’t all bad. Being the older sibling also meant we gained independence, resilience, and humility. It solidified our reasons for wanting to change things and it helped us learn to serve others. Throughout this journey, we learned what our purpose was and what it was not. But most importantly, we learned to give more love, less pressure. *In no way was this episode meant to insult our families. We both love our parents very much. This was just our reality growing up.*

Be You (88thx11Mile Episode)

This is a two part episode dedicated to our listeners and the 88thx11mile venue. The first part contains motivational messages regarding the importance of staying true to yourself at all times throughout life. You will be tested and you will be shaken but it’s important to remember to always be you. The second part of this episode contains audio clips from the event where we had an opportunity to interview some amazing individuals. They remind us to keep going, to surround ourselves with the right people, and to not be afraid of being creative with our passions. Listen to their stories on how they got started and were able to stay true to themselves during their journey. Thank you to everyone who participated in making this episode special. You are appreciated.
 
Interview times:
Soso (@signedlovesauma) LA based photographer- 18:06
Troy (@troyinla) LA based writer/ actor- 26:04
Kassandra (@the_kassandra_lee) Actress and Youtube influencer from New Jersey- 38:02
Rick “Big A” (@coolsideofbiga) LA based radio host personality- 45:30
TJ (@goodcalljamaal, @baelessbychoice) LA based DJ/ producer/ clothing line designer- 52:16
Love and K Fly (@roomserviceradiolv) Las Vegas radio host personalities- 57:24
Special shout out to 88thx11mile (@88thx11mile) for honoring us with the opportunity to be a part of their event.