SpeakUpJV

It Is What You Think

Mindset shapes the way we think about love, money, goals, and everything else in our lives. This is why it’s important to pay attention to our self talk and daily habits and ask ourselves if they’re working for or against us. Sometimes, we are our own worst critics without realizing it and tend to self sabotage. Sometimes, we are this way because of what we saw/ experienced growing up and are working towards changing that. In this episode we decided to talk about rewiring our mindset in order to build healthier habits, relationships, and goals. It is not an easy process and we are also working towards that every day but we have realized how powerful mindset is. Mindset carries us through everything because when it comes down to it, it is what you think.

Live & Unfiltered: She's The Boss

Check out our latest SpeakUpJV: Live & Unfiltered episode titled “She’s The Boss.” Here we interview the beautiful, talented, and ambitious Tymera Finley (@tymerisamazing), CEO of House of Mera (@houseofmera). In honor of Women’s History Month we have a discussion on what it means to be a successful woman, overcoming obstacles as female entrepreneurs, and redefining our own standards of beauty. We hope you enjoy this episode and conversation as much as we did. Follow us on our Instagram to keep up with our show and other content: @speakupjv

Is The "T" Real?

No it’s not that kind of “T” today. Although this “T” should still be served hot with care and pure facts. We’re talking about trust. It’s a simple enough word that holds a lot of weight on its own but still so fragile at the same time. With this being said, we have to wonder how easily we give away our trust to certain people and just how difficult it is to repair if it is broken. In this episode, we’re here to tell you our experiences and thoughts on the meaning of trust. We talk about having standards not just for others but for ourselves as well. It’s easy to point out when someone else has betrayed us but we should also stop and ask ourselves if we are trustworthy to begin with. We have to ask ourselves how do we move forward from either situation? At some point we have to start and ask ourselves, is the “T” real?

Tell It Like It Is

You would think giving and receiving advice is easy right? That when someone gives you advice it’s usually harmless or helpful? That they told you this because they have your best interest in mind? However, that’s not always the case. Not everyone is in the best position to give you advice, whether it’s someone secretly hating on you, or they don’t want to see you doing better than them, or they don’t understand your situation completely. This is why it’s important to practice discernment when seeking advice from others. On the other hand, we must also know when someone is only watching out for us and wants to see us succeed. Sometimes it is true that we need an outside perspective, some tough love to take the next step, or to see that something is no longer serving us. Sometimes we need people in our lives who will tell it like it is.

Lurking Ain't Easy

Yup that’s right. We’re going there today and we are calling everyone out. Have you ever convinced yourself that one little peek wouldn’t hurt? One little fake page? One little moment of curiosity that then turns into an investigation into what someone has been up to the past 8 months? Now you’re hurt, crying, calling your best friend because you decided to lurk? Well then come on over, this episode is for YOU! It’s ok we’ve all done it but we need to check ourselves and strive to move forward. If you’re looking to heal from the past and put your energy into the right places then the lurking has got to stop. Here we are judgment free and admit to our own experiences and current struggles with lurking. Trust us, we found out the hard way that lurking ain’t easy.

SpeakUpJV 50th Episode: Girl's Night In

Welcome to our 50th episode! Sit down, relax, and enjoy some wine with us as we answer questions sent from our listeners. This was a chance for us to find out what you all wanted to know as well as for you to get to know the SpeakUp girls! We get real with our answers in regards to friendship, family, self care, and many others. So let’s talk, laugh, cry and enjoy our girl’s night in.

SpeakUpJV Episode 49- Men

We want to say something to the men. The men coming from various walks of life, mannerisms, and mindsets. The men who have crossed paths with us and have impacted us in one way or another. Even though not every experience has been a great one, it has been a real one. Thank you for the lessons, the pain, the standards, and the love. Yes, we can only speak from our perspective as women but it all comes from the heart. We just want you to know that you are valued and loved, even when we don’t agree on everything. Also, trust that we do want to see you win. Win in love, in spirit, and anything else that will bring you fulfillment. This is why we had to get real honest in this episode and say a few things first. Men, this one’s for you.

Dear 2020: The Holiday Episode

What a year. No doubt that everyone has their own thoughts, emotions, and experiences towards this one. In this holiday episode we reflect and reminisce on our experiences this year from the good, the bad, and everything in between. However, regardless of what happened we are grateful to have made it this far and are looking to move forward in a healthy manner. Join our discussion as we dedicate this one to dear 2020.

How Thick?

Thick. Thick. Thick. What did you think of when you saw this word come up today? For us, the word thick holds great significance. It is the word that used to have a negative connotation but now we use it to embrace ourselves physically. We use it to embrace the parts of us that aren’t “perfect” or “ideal,” the parts that we have hidden through certain camera angles, and the parts that we’ve struggled to accept throughout our child and adulthood. Learning to do this is not easy and it is a category in our self love journey all on its own but nonetheless it is an important one. Embracing our curves and “thickness” allows us to accept, be patient, and fall in love with our bodies. It is the only one we have in this life and should be treated accordingly so. How thick is your respect for your body? How thick is your love for your body? How thick is your acceptance for your body?

Situationships Ain't It

As you can tell from the title, today we’re talking about situationships. You know, the ones that bring nothing but heartaches, confusion, and anger? The ones where you can’t really call that person yours because you’re not really dating but you are but you’re really not? Did that confuse you? Us too. This is the reason why we’re talking about them in today’s episode. Defining what we want and expect from the beginning is important if we want to avoid wasting our time. It’s true that we all have different definitions of dating so that will depend on us. However, no matter what we call it all people involved need to be informed because situationships just ain’t it.

Suppressed Leads To Depressed

What do you think of when you hear the term suppressed emotions? More importantly, how do you know if you have them? To be honest, most humans have suppressed emotions to a certain degree due to childhood/ adolescent trauma, life obstacles/ setbacks, or just dealing with people in general. What matters is for us to be aware that we have them and work towards processing our feelings rather than holding them inside. Suppressed emotions tend to affect our relationships with ourselves and with others. We need to normalize speaking about our emotions no matter what gender we do or do not identify with as well as realizing that doing so does not make us weak.

SpookUp: The Halloween Episode

Boo! In honor of spooky season, we bring to you the first annual SpookUp. Here we have a discussion on all types of fears, real or imagined. Sit down, have some candy and enjoy this episode with us as we talk about creepy critters, brujeria, and other things that scare us. On the flip side, we also talk about fears that keep us from growing, from moving forward, and from healthy relationships. Whether you celebrate Halloween, El Dia De Los Muertos, or nothing at all we still encourage you to enjoy this episode and share it with your loved ones.

It's The Standards For Me

Standards. Seems like a simple enough word, right? Simple enough to understand, implement, and process. However, if you’ve ever sat down and asked yourself what exactly are your standards or if you’re living up to them you will realize it’s not easy to define what the term standards really means. It’s imperative we learn how to define our standards within our relationships as well as within ourselves if we want to experience healthier overall love. Life will throw all kinds of obstacles our way to test us to see if we’ve really changed or to challenge us to grow some more. The people we surround ourselves with and the mindset we carry with us will determine if we move forward with our lives or keep reliving the same situations. That’s why, above everything else, you have to say “it’s the standards for me.”

Focus Or Fall

With everything going on it’s easy to become overwhelmed and stay stuck in a mental or emotional rut. It’s difficult to stay focused on the positive or on the future when it feels like there is no end in sight. However, this is important to do if we want to take back control of the things that bring us joy, such as our goals, hobbies, and aspirations. Maybe we’ve had to rearrange the way we do things in working towards them and getting creative with our methods. Building upon our focus is not easy but absolutely necessary if we want to continue moving forward. In this episode we touch upon the importance of building focus, how we stay focused here at SpeakUpJV, and other factors. Come take a listen and decide if you want to focus or fall.

Be All In

Do you ever look around you and realize you’ve got a million things to do but don’t have the time to do it? Then you become overwhelmed because you realize everything on your to-do list is important and has a deadline? Before you click off this because you just got reminded of all that, it’s important that you stop right there. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Enjoy this moment of tranquility no matter how short it is. What you did just now was practice mindfulness. Putting this into practice is so important because it reminds us that all we really have is this moment right here and that once it’s gone, it’s not coming back. Practicing mindfulness is not always easy but it’s something we can build up on and be more intentional about. Challenge yourself to try it whether it’s through meditation practices, affirmations, or self care. Sometimes we don’t really have a choice but to let go of the past because it’s gone and the future isn’t even here yet, so all we have is today. Sometimes, good enough has to be good enough. Sometimes, we just need to go with the flow of the day and simply be all in.

What Up? B.

Boundaries. It seems like a simple word that’s easy to follow and easy to implement. However, if you’ve ever tried setting boundaries with anyone or even with yourself you know it’s a lot harder than just simply stating them. First of all, how do you even know what your boundaries are and where do you start? Did you know that there are different types of boundaries and that they fluctuate depending on the person or phase of your life? Did you also know that we can be really good with setting boundaries within our familial relationships but have none within our romantic relationships? These are a lot of questions to think about at once but also are some of the most important ones to ask especially if you’re constantly feeling drained or like you’ve spread yourself thin for others. Maybe you struggle with saying no to people because you’re afraid you’ll make them feel bad. Our discussion is all about that and the journey to having healthier relationships. So, what’s up in today’s episode? Boundaries.

Accept The Real

Have you ever felt like someone was unattainable, “out of your league,” or like they could do no wrong? Has anyone ever made YOU feel like you had to be perfect all the time or like they see you with such high unrealistic standards? While there is nothing wrong with admiring people for their strength or the way they carry themselves, there is a problem when it involves no longer seeing the person as a human being. This is the danger of placing someone on a pedestal. This is when we see someone as an ideal or they see us in that way. Pedestals are dangerous and always lead to disappointment because they don’t allow us to see or be seen as flawed individuals. There is no room for mistakes, failures, or setbacks. This means that there is also no room for growth, maturity, and compassion. Pedestals normalize toxic behavior and constant dissatisfaction. Pedestals are detrimental because they don’t allow us to be real, see the real, and much less accept the real.

The Process Is Essential

Sometimes we get so caught up in making things happen or “leveling up” that we forget to trust the process. We forget to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be in this moment. Out of every failure, every setback, every obstacle there is a lesson, there is growth. Sometimes life will remind us as well that we are actually not ready for that big step just yet, that there is more work to be done or a different route to be taken. Although it’s great and essential to have goals in life, it is also just as great and essential to be patient with the process. This does not mean get lazy and stop doing the work, it means having faith that we’ve done the best we can up until this very point. In order for anything in life to work out, we must realize that it is all a part of the process and the process is essential.

Is It Worth It?

At times we try to figure out if a relationship aligns or contrasts with our values, or we compare our relationships to the ones we see online or even question if we’re going to be single our whole lives. But before you ask yourself any of these questions you need to ask yourself the most important question of all: is it worth it? Is it worth normalizing traumatic behaviors, bending over backwards for someone, or trying to make something fit that deep down we know doesn’t? This question should be applied to various relationships in our lives, especially as we grow and think about the long-term effects of those relationships. We shouldn’t be afraid to speak up about our needs and determine if someone’s values align with our own. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself, is it worth it?

Daily Dose Of "C"

We all know that it’s important to have a healthy, balanced diet in order to be physically well. We need our daily vitamins and nutrients, most of them in daily doses. But what about nutrients for our mental, emotional, and spiritual health? In this episode we’ve decided to talk about one important nutrient we should incorporate into our everyday lives and that is called confidence. This is crucial in determining how we carry ourselves, how we raise a child, and every other relationship in between. It also affects how we crave/ don’t crave attention and work ethic. What we hear as children can affect our confidence and how much we need to work on it every day. Confidence is a critical component in our lives that affects everything else we do. This is why it’s recommended to get our daily dose of “C.”

Use Your Voice (Special Episode)

The intent of this episode is to discuss the current fight against racism and police brutality towards Black lives. These two major issues have disproportionately affected Black lives more than any other group of people within the US. It is important that everyone speaks up and fights against racism and police brutality because there is power in numbers and silence is no longer an option. It is important to learn in what ways we can amplify Black voices and lives and there are various outlets available in order for us to do that. We need to keep asking questions, educate ourselves, and take action steps in order to create real change. Don’t be afraid to use your voice. Rest In Peace George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor. Rest In Peace to all of our Black Queens and Kings whose voices have been silenced due to racism and police brutality. To the entire Black community, your lives matter yesterday, today, and always.

Create And Chill

When the world is chaotic and everything seems so unstable, sometimes the last thing we want to do is wind down. However, this is absolutely necessary in order to get some proper mental rest and recharge. We need to tap into our creativity and practice healthy expression every once in awhile. Meeting our creative needs reminds us of what we are capable of when we learn to let loose, learn to nurture our talents, and to just be unapologetically unique. Creativity comes in many shapes and forms but we just have to find it. So, let’s forget about things for a bit. Let’s sit down and unwind. Let’s create and chill.

Double Standards Are Overrated

Today’s episode is about rules or principles which are unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups. If you couldn’t guess from the definition, we’re talking about double standards today. Double standards confine us into strict categories that limit us from speaking, making, and living our truth. Some double standards date far back from past generations and continue to affect our daily lives today. They are excuses for us to mistreat each other and become judgmental based off of socially constructed ideas. They can affect our relationships, body image, and overall ability to understand others. Double standards do a lot more harm than good and we wanted to talk about some that have affected us in our personal lives. We knew it was time we speak up on this topic because double standards are harmful, demeaning, and so overrated.

Be Honest With Yourself

During these uncertain times where we are forced to slow down or change course, it’s pertinent that we take the time to sit down with ourselves and practice self reflection. The term self reflection refers to having serious thoughts about our actions and motives within our lives. It’s something we owe to ourselves if we want to move on from our past, let go of bad habits, and mature. What actions have we taken that have shaped us to be who we are today? Are we proud of the motives behind those actions? How can we do/ be better? Practicing self reflection won’t make us perfect but it will make us more balanced.  Just remember, you are the only person you can’t lie to so it’s time to be honest with yourself.

Love Through The Flaws

We all know that there is no such thing as a perfect person. Everybody has a distinct life story full of obstacles, traumas, and imperfections. This goes for friends, lovers, and even parents. Our loved ones will disappoint us much like we will disappoint them. Sometimes we will disappoint ourselves along the way too and it’ll be important for us to learn self acceptance. This is where we learn that although we are flawed individuals, we are also worthy of love. The type of love that doesn’t change just because we weren’t our best or because we saw when someone wasn’t at their best. However, there is a difference between accepting less than what you deserve and accepting that we all come with baggage and it’s up to use as individuals to decide what that looks like. Relationships change and people change but if we’re determined to grow alongside someone and within ourselves we must learn to love through the flaws.